One Month. That's how long we have next until the end of the year. One month. Now about six weeks ago I came up with a rather ambitious plan to get as much sorted out by the end of the year and so that I could hit the ground running at the start of the year, make some rather significant life changes and the biggest push I have ever made.

Considering how many times I've done the "New Year, New Me" thing, it was completely reasonable for me to assume that it would just end in failure again, but the difference this time is how I was trying to do it. It wasn't just "Right, new year, total changes" but rather gradually working towards it over a couple of months. That seemed like the best way to do it.

And then November happened. Personal and family issues, and then followed by getting ill with what was likely covid, which I'm still not over. Still lots of aches and pains and a persistent cough, though I am through the worst of it. And suddenly I have a two month plan which I haven't even started yet.

Well, that's now a lie. Today is December 1st and I'm still sticking with this plan. The plan right now? I want to get back to a regular exercise routine and get my diet back on track, and get off what weight I can. I want to get my sleep pattern sorted and genuinely get into a productive routine. If I can find work and such as well that will also be great, but considering the difficulty I've had so far I don't predict that changing without making some serious changes to myself, and that takes time.

So that's the plan for 2023. 2024? By the end of that year I intend to be a completely different person, physically, mentally, emotionally, financially. It's about time, and I'm going to devote myself entirely and completely to it. There's no other way, and it has to be done...and I'm honestly optimistic about it. I'm already seeing small progress and it should be sustainable long term...I hope.

Anyway...ramble over!

For the record I have no idea how many times I've actually said that I'm doing this, but it can't be far off from that, so it's as good a title as anyway. So...yeah, prepare for another ramble. Which for the record...that's pretty much what this place is going to be...forever. It's a place for me to ramble on. Used to stick these in my weekly vlogs but I haven't done those for some time so I guess that's what this is for now.

So at the start of this week (which as of right now is yesterday morning) I made this point of saying "Right, this is going to be the week where I get my shit sorted" and so far this week...doesn't feel any different. Today and yesterday has been basically like every other week. In fact whenever I say that to myself, it seems to always go the same way. It's not exactly like it's been a bad week or anything it just...doesn't feel any better than usual.

Why is that? Well I guess I feel like it's because I'm never really doing anything different, or new. But the reason for that is that I don't really know what to do. I know I need to find a job but I don't know what more or what else I can do. Nobody else seems to have any suggestions either. So logically then if finding a job is difficult (and considering where I live has one of the worst joblessness rates in the country, it's not surprising that it is) the solution must be to make money another way. Agreed, but how? Again, I don't have an answer.

And because I don't have an answer, whenever I try to fill my time with things so it doesn't feel like a waste of time, it ends up being the same old stuff. And who knows, maybe the YouTube or Twitch channel will take off, maybe this book I'm writing will be a best seller. Maybe some other project I'm barely thinking about will be the big thing. I don't know. but considering I've been trying a lot of this stuff for a while, it seems unlikely. So logically, i should try something else. And I don't know what.

I guess until I do though, might as well keep working on what I'm doing now. Better than just watching TV or playing games all day!

Believe it or not I have had a few things to blog about but then I just...forget. I'm good at that. Though there was one I half wrote but it was a particularly depressing one when I was particularly depressed and yeah, I don't want to release that, so I didn't.

So, what have I got to say? Well, a few bits, actually. Firstly, I've been thinking more and more about mental health recently. But not so much about how I am doing but rather how the world is doing. There's been a lot of conversations recently in the media (although for the wrong reasons) about men's mental health and how it's been a serious issue for a while and it really is. I won't pretend to know the answer but I think I know a piece of the answer. It's a crisis that doesn't have a single solution.

The answer always seems to be "Oh we'll devote more money to mental health stuff" and then that never seems to happen, but I am not sure if it would help even if it did. We live in a world where our jobs mentally drain us, where we don't get paid enough for what we need and to enjoy life, and companies expect you to do the work of three people all the time, and then they wonder why people burn out. And god forbid you're in my situation and you're out of work, and the sheer amount of pressure that is put on you to put yourself in that situation no matter the mental or financial price you must pay to do it. It's a problem that's got worse too, both the significantly increased pressure (mostly caused by staffing deficiencies) and the significant decrease in pay.

When you couple that with a world that seems insistent on making you feel like you're not enough, just so they can sell you products that are supposed to make you feel better, social media which is either intentionally or accidentally geared towards the same feelings, food and drink that is basically poisonous and is proven to have devastating long term physical and mental health issues, and the general feeling of hopelessness in society...is there any wonder there's a crisis? And a crisis that, regardless of the recent talk of men's mental help, is hitting everyone equally. It's only more noticeable with men right now because that crisis was bubbling for a long time before now.

So what do I think is the solution? I don't know. But I do know that I think the mental health help available needs to be more varied. A lot of approaches seem to focus on a single issue, but there's rarely a single issue. Nutrition, Fitness, Stress Management and Mental Health Support are all things that should be bundled together, because in a lot of cases, those issues are all connected in some way.